Retirement Planning ideas

O.K., enough grim news for now. For all of you thinking of retiring,
this from Minyanville.

http://www.minyanville.com/articles/index.php?a=11646
Minyanville Guide to Retirement
Planning for retirement is one of those goals that we never seem to find the time to but it is critical to develop a solid, well-formulated gameplan for reaching your retirement goals.
Below are some useful retirement-planning tips designed to help you retire on your own terms:

Diversification is the key to any sound retirement plan. Make sure you gamble away your retirement savings in both Las Vegas and Atlantic City.

When it comes to saving for retirement, some people say "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." But if all you are saving are eggs, well... then good luck with that.

Have you considered a Rothschild IRA? The 2000 Chateau Laffite Rothschild Pauillac is a safe bet with a maturity range of 2021 to 2050, rated 99 points by Wine Spectator.

A good rule of thumb is to allocate your retirement investments between stocks and bonds according to your age. Another good rule of thumb is to somehow get a whole lot of money just before you retire.

Estate planning can be tricky and involve many unexpected expenses. To save your heirs from unexpectedly high burial costs when you die, start building a giant pyramid now in which to store your jewel-encrusted sarcophagus. Fill the pyramid's chambers with gold and treasures.

Did you know that a single Styrofoam cup of coffee a day would in 40 years turn into the equivalent of $381,437 in the stock market? Clearly, this shows that the best retirement plan is to horde Styrofoam cups.

Some people are concerned that social security will run out by the time they retire. In order to increase the odds that you will receive social security payments, assume various identities with unique social security numbers.

Don't be like a lot of people and forget to write down where you buried the tin can that contains your retirement savings. Also, make sure your name is clearly written on the can in permanent ink in case another investor accidentally digs it up.